Emily

When i got pregnant i was 19 years old.  I was partying every weekend, drinking way to much and doing drugs. I did not have a boyfriend at the time and was casually sleeping with a few different people at various points of the year. I’m not 100% sure if i got pregnant when i willingly slept with someone or if it happened when my friend raped me.   When i found out i was pregnant i cried because i was sad that i would let him happen to me. i was sad because i wasnt smarter about my health and didnt get on the pill. and i was angry because i was educated and informed by my parents and i made a poor choice to not get on the pill and protect myself. when i found out i called my best friend and she came to the doctor with me, they did another pregnancy test to confirm and when the nurse came back and said it was positive i couldnt breathe. she asked me if i had considered any options and i said “get rid of it”. now when i think about it i feel so cold. but i didnt know who’s it was and if it was a product of rape. regardless i could not keep it. i never told my parents or my sister, and until now i had only told 3 or 4 people. ive never identified that guy who raped me and i never told anyone i was raped. i never told the other guy that i thought it might be. i think i thought it was okay because i didnt know who the dad was and i wasnt in a relationship with someone who cared. i still feel good about the choice i made, i just wish i would have been honest with myself and my parents.

I think it is not openly discussed because there are so many stereotypes around the type of women who gets an abortion. People imagine women who get abortions to be wild party animal sluts that cant keep there pants on. Because obviously women who are educated and smart would never get pregnant. It sucks for me because I feel like if it was something we talked about more, maybe I would have been able to talk about it and not allow it to burden me.

I think I want to be photographed because I want people to know that I have had an abortion. I want people to be able to see the different faces of women who have been there. We are all different, but we are all women! Also, i feel like once my secret is out there I can deal with it and not let it burden me as much. People will know and I don’t have to lie to myself anymore.