Arts4Choice

My abortion was almost a decade ago and for the better part of the last ten years it has been something that I seldom think about, but I am thinking of my choice more and more recently and I feel that suddenly I want to talk about it and there isn’t anyone around who knows. Maybe I feel “safer” talking to strangers and sharing my experiences with people I have never met … this would be one way of sharing this with people I have never met.   I also believe that I need to put my mouth where my heart is. This is something that I am willing to stand up and say is important.

I was really disappointed with the after experience from the clinic. After I had “recovered” and was being ushered out, I was pulled over by a nurse, in front of all the other women who were also “recovering” and told what I should or should not do / expect. She also proceeded to tell me that if I was going to engage in “reckless behavior” I should be on the pill. She didn’t think that my excuse was “good enough”.

It is our body … why should we be empowered to make decisions about every other aspect of our bodies and lives but this? This is the single greatest decision a woman can make because of the long-term consequences it can have. Having a baby changes everything (and sometimes for the better). I also think that it sucks that men get off so easily. If they are not comfortable with the path, they can walk away. Not so easy for woman, this is our way of walking away. I actually think that pro-choice is pro-life, the life of the woman!

I was about to turn 24. I was in a mixed-up relationship; one that was not solid by any means. We had been dating for a few months. He was a “born-again” catholic. I was impressionable & pretty disempowered when it came to sexual relationships. I always had been. We had regular, unprotected sex. Stupid, I know. I found out that I was pregnant just before I defended my master’s thesis & just after I had moved to a new city to look for a career of sorts. He wanted the baby, but wasn’t sure that he wanted me. I wanted love or a life to myself. I considered my options. He moved halfway across the country. I chose what was best for me at that time in my life.

I had the full support of my family & friends to make the choice that was right for me. My older brother offered to adopt the baby if I chose to carry to term. My mother offered to come & stay with me during the procedure if I chose to end the pregnancy. The man with whom I had become pregnant & with whom I was in an unstable relationship did not want me to terminate the pregnancy. He was sure that he wanted a baby, but he was not sure that he wanted me. But he also suggested that it was my decision to make, which was confusing for me. These differing perspectives/offers of support did not make my decision an easy one, though I knew that I would be supported no matter my choice. I was also faced with the challenges of starting a new life post graduate studies. I appreciated the support that I received, but it would have been nice to have had someone to talk to who had been in a similar situation & who had faced similar challenges.

The man I was with was anti-choice in a general way because of his “religious” beliefs but he still told me that it was my choice to make. So I was never really sure what he thought. I felt as though I was holding his personal demons in my hands as well as my own. Outside the clinic, there was an ad billboard that had anti-choice posters in it. No doubt strategically chosen. One thing that surprised & comforted me was the presence of a visibly pregnant intake support worker at the clinic. That made me really understand the meaning of choice — making the best decision for me in those circumstances. For a number of years afterwards, I actually walked past the clinic location on my way to work & noticed a lone elderly man protesting most days. His presence made me very angry. I often imagined confronting him or stomping on his placards… but I never did.

Some pressure women to feel ashamed & full of regret. Some pressure women to feel liberated & proud. I have felt both from different sources — media, women’s rights groups, anti-choice advertising. I feel trapped by the various pressures. My default position is to stay silent about my experience.

I am a mother of four great people.

I am also an elected woman in civic government.

I have had an abortion.

I had my abortion when I was 18, four months ago. I was living with my boyfriend, and working as a waitress.

My mom took me to the abortion, my boyfriend did not want to go. My mom was really supportive. I needed that, and I wished my boyfriend had been there, especially when i chose to look at the ultrasound. He felt uncomfortable and wouldn’t give me head for months after cause he felt my pussy was dirty and sad.

It was not hard for me to find the clinic, a friend and then my councilor told me everything I needed to know eg. hospital vs. Clinic etc. I then waited a month for it. Waiting was hard because i was sick, and working. Very depressed.

I had a Muslim coworker tell me not to have my abortion. I was pissed. Once i communicated with her though, she understood and respected MY CHOICE. Then there was a protester at the door of the clinic, an old man. I saw him and i felt so MAD at him that i just cried on the street.

I’m really open, my parents, brother, friends, 3 or 4 of my coworkers, councilor etc. all knew about my abortion. I really didn’t want my manager to find out because i thought he might cut my shifts.

I have heard my friends and family members talk about their abortions. It has helped me ALOT, (IT WAS THE THING THAT HELPED ME THE MOST) because it helped me feel normal, and not ashamed as i did in the beginning.

I am pro-choice because i believe a women should have the right to choose where, when, and how she will reproduce. we only have babies because of the grace of women, and respect, appreciation, and understanding are due.