Arts4Choice

The issues women face around abortion are are multi-layered and very complex. The stigma surrounding the choice of abortion creates barriers that make it difficult for women to access abortion services. Although abortion is legal in Canada services vary province to province, making it extremely complicated to navigate the system in an efficient and dignified manner. Women are forced to carry the weight of this decision with little support, and depending on what government is in power, choice seems to be ever threatened. We need to create a society where women’s choices are supported and celebrated, not undermined and judged.

I think it’s important to be open about it. I think people are very drawn to photography, as it’s a medium that can be extremely personal because you can look people in the eye through the photo. I wanted to be part of this project because I think it’s so important for people to see that choosing abortion comes from a place of compassion and that it could be anyone making the choice.

I had just turned 28 and was with my boyfriend (who is my husband now). We had been together for 4 years at the time and we just weren’t ready at that point in our lives. We talked about it a lot and having an abortion was the right choice for me and for us, it was pretty clear for us. We were both working, but I had made the decision to go back to school. It wasn’t the right time, I was extremely sick and it just didn’t feel right. I am grateful for the choice the I made.

I had my abortion at a clinic. I had the most amazing support from my boyfriend and a few dear friendsbefore and after the abortion. It was extremely helpful to have their support and know that I could talk openly about what I was going through. I had a brief counselling session before my procedure which I found extremely helpful and from there I found it relatively easy to move forward with my life. By participating in this project I hope that I can help others see that abortion is a deeply personal choice and to keep the conversation going.

I felt really proud to have my photograph taken and feel like it’s brought my journey full circle.

I was 18 and in my last year of high school.  I was living with my parents and I was in an abusive relationship.  The fact that I was in an abusive relationship was not a factor in why I chose to have an abortion.  In fact, quite the opposite.  This person wanted me to have a baby and it was terrifying to tell him that that was not going to happen.

My boyfriend at that time was very hostile and very anti-choice.  I had to deal with him calling me a “baby-killer” and other unkind comments.  I also remember a friend of his making a snide comment about his wife having had an abortion.  I felt certain that his comment was made to make me feel guilty.

I remember another friend of mine (a teacher’s aide that I had become close to) who became very upset with me when I told her that I was thinking about an abortion. She told me that I “had no right” to do that and that I was “playing God.”  Even at 18, I remember thinking that I, in fact, had every right to do this and that God had absolutely nothing to do with my decision.  However, at that time, I didn’t have the bravery needed to tell her that.  It’s funny, I had forgotten about that incident until just now.  Thinking about makes me feel rather irate.

I had a lot of support from my mom who is very pro-choice.  I had some support from friends, but like many women, I didn’t tell many people because of the shame.  As well, I and my friends were young, so I didn’t know who to ask for support and my friends didn’t know how to give it.  As an adult, when friends of mine were faced with an unplanned pregnancy, I have been sure to ask them what kind of support I could provide them.

There is still so much stigma around abortion.  Women are already made to feel shameful about their sexual selves and then when we “get ourselves into trouble” we are made to feel that it never would have happened if we had just stayed “chaste” to begin with.  How can we talk about abortion, when we don’t even have permission to really talk about/have/pursue/enjoy sex?

Sexual women and women who have had abortions are still painted as “easy” women, “dirty” women, women with Low Moral Standards, women who “no one will marry.”  Our sexual freedom has improved, but when you look at places like the current US government and the Christian right, you realize that in many ways, it is still in the dark ages.

How does this make me feel?

Really fucking angry.

I was 27 years old at the time, living with roommates, and unemployed after getting laid off a few months prior. One of my roommates had recently birthed a child in our home. I had been in a relationship with a male partner for about a year but we had broken up shortly before I realized I was pregnant. Health professionals were scared about SARS so that had a big impact on my experiences of going to clinics for help. I was doing a lot of therapy at the time as part of my recovery from childhood sexual abuse and I was very concerned about how the abortion experience would affect my recovery, so I had to advocate a lot for accommodations that I needed in relation to that.

I went to two different clinics to discuss options prior to making an appointment for the abortion. I found the atmosphere generally unfriendly and not very helpful, at least partly because the staff were worried about catching SARS from clients. I decided not to have the abortion at the first clinic because of that. I’m not sure that the options counselling at the second clinic gave me any new information, but I just needed to go through that as part of my decision making process. I received some information for men which I gave to my (sort of) partner. I wish he had been more involved and supportive. I really wanted to share the experience with him but he just shut down. I couldn’t have anyone accompany me inside the clinic for the abortion and I probably would have appreciated that. I had several friends who were supportive before and after, mainly just by being there and not judging me. One friend drove me to the clinic and drove me home afterwards. Another friend got sweets for me to eat afterwards.

I knew at the time that abortion was the best choice for me, but I was surprised at how long it took me to make the decision. I always assumed that if I had an unplanned pregnancy, I would have an abortion and that it would be a simple, straightforward choice. When it actually happened, though, I found that I needed to take more time to feel right about it on all levels and especially I needed to do some spiritual work. I think that taking all that time to consider all my options and being so careful about the decision really helped me to feel completely sure about it at the time and I still feel that it was the right choice for me. I have never regretted it, although occasionally I wonder what my life would be like if I had decided to continue the pregnancy.

Mainly I think that people will either judge me harshly or they will feel uncomfortable discussing it and not want to know that information about me. I don’t want want to be met with questions expecting me to justify my choice or silence or ostracism or have people gossip about it behind my back. I feel like it’s such a minefield to bring it up. I’m not sure what  reaction I can expect so mainly I just discuss it with trusted friends and therapists. I wish that I could feel more confident that people would be accepting and acknowledge that it’s a significant experience.

I was 23 years old, in a relationship, living on my own and just finishing my B.S.c.  It was 1986 and there was still the ‘tribunal system’ that required my doctor to send the request for a ‘TA’ to a three-doc review panel.  This freaked me out, the possibility of denial.

When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant he said “I cant believe this is happening to me”.

My male doctor asked me – when we got the result and I said right away “how do I get an abortion?” – if I didn’t love my boyfriend.  I was furious and got through the appointment with civility only to get to the point of him sending the request to the tribunal.  I never saw that doc again (my choice).  Once approved, he referred me to an ob/gyn for tests/exam.  I was attended to by a tight-lipped, judgmental nurse.  I remember it so clearly.  I felt ashamed even though I never had any doubt that this was the right choice for me; I felt dirty.

I knew it was right as soon as he said “the test is positive” and in 22 years, I’ve never looked back.  I am really glad I could make that choice.

it’s funny that i still get that tummy quease, considering its not a secret with my family or my friends that i’ve had an abortion… i don’t know why i still hesitate to be public about it, i sure don’t hesitate to say what i think about abortion access. so, i’m willing to get my picture taken because i think i have to get over this fear of being publicly outed.  i walked through a throng of anti-choice protesters on my way into the clinic and i’ve shouted them down in rallies, why should this be harder?  i don’t think i’m silent but obviously we’re not out there enough if people think we’re silent and stigmatized with no one to stand up for us.  what about ourselves???

to say that canadians just don’t think  about abortion anymore…duh… if you’re needing one and cant get  one you sure think about it.  if you need one and got one you sure  think about it. if you know someone who got one you think about it.   if you wonder what the hell you’ll do if your period is 3 days late  you think about it.